Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Commissioner's Note

Appointing yourself commissioner of a fantasy football league is highly desirable. For one year you are a fantasy football god! Run your league like a tyrant or a mediator, it's all up to you. Skew the league toward your strengths as a fantasy owner, create a scoring system that gets your juices flowing, toss in the strangest, back-woods bylaws you can think of - It's your league. If they want in (and they do) they have to play by your rules. It's like being the bossy kid on the playground, but if you don't play fair, noone will want to play with you anymore. So I suggest moderation.

But ya know what really chaps my ass? Lots of things that other people do in fantasy football. That's why when I'm commissioner things are different. For instance:
  1. Paying for transactions. I make a lot of moves throughout the season. I'm never happy with my team. Like Jerry Jones, there is always a little tweak here, a little change there that can make my fantasy football team better. I am always the league leader in transactions, and even on losing team, I can't help myself but to try to make it better. In my league transactions are free and there is no waiver wire. If your guy goes down, you're gonna have to beat me to the website for his backup.
  2. Negative Points. I don't care that it's not realistic. I don't care if Rex Grossman throws three interceptions - he threw four TD's and went for over 300 yards to get the Bears back into the game. Those are the points I want on my bottom line! Screw negative points, fantasy football is about scoring. Scoring is the essence of the game. The worst feeling on monday morning is when your backup running back went for a touchdown and sixty-three yards, but you end up with six measly little fantasy points because he coughed it up three times. My leagues have no negative points. No negative points for fumbles, no negative points for inteceptions, no negative points for missed field goals. This is fantasy football people, let the guys in the real world deal with the other stuff.
  3. The season ending FIRE SALE! This one really hurts. I've been in leagues where I drafted the best squad that year. I have an all-star unit that's crushing teams on the way to another championship. It's not my fault you didn't do your homework on draft day. It's not my fault you got bested by the big fantasy brain. Jealousy soon rears its ugly mug and collusion ensues. A couple of guys get together, one sends all of his best players to the other for bench players, and the king is dead. Not in my league! I learned early on that everyone complains about trades. "It's not fair", "He can't trade with his brother/sister/wife/girlfriend/father", my league is a "No Trade" league.

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